The journey to build a more successful relationship begins with your own self awareness. The question that I like to ask couples is, “What would it be like to be in a relationship with you?” “Really.” This is a very difficult question for people because much of the time, partners are focused on what their partner is or is not doing. “If my wife would just want more sex, our life would be great.” “If my husband would stop being so critical, our marriage would work.” Blame, blame, and more blame…
Dare to take this journey of self discovery to find out what it is like to be in a relationship with you:
- How do I treat my spouse on a daily basis?
- How often to do I take time to really listen to my spouse?
- When we have conflict, how do I react or respond?
- How often do I initiate sex?
- What do I like to do with my spouse?
- How much effort do I put into being a couple?
- What kind of mood am I in on most days?
It is very easy to find fault with other people, especially our spouse. It is much more difficult to be self reflective. Yet, that is where our power lies. Therapists have long understood the concept of “circular causation”. This basically means that we cause the very response in our spouse that we do not like. If we chose to change ourselves, we change our relationship.