about my journey
to mastering love

Like many of you, my deep yearning to understand love, grew out of heartache.  At the tender age of 19, I experienced a relationship betrayal that made me want to lock my heart away forever.My mind obsessed over questions like, “What happened?” and “How could I be sure that it would never happen again?” I wanted to make sense of the pain. The invalidations from our culture to “just get over it” only fueled my discomfort.The “silver lining” through my own suffering became my drive to “master” love. This journey would shape my life in glorious ways.  At first, I believed that the best strategy to overcome heartache would be to avoid love.However, my dad, in his infinite wisdom, told me the story of the termites. “Termites can jump really high, but in this experiment, they put them in jars with lids for a few weeks. When they released them, the termites only jumped the same height as the jars for the rest of their lives. My dad asked, “Is that really how you want to live your life?”I decided that avoidance was not the best way to cope if I wanted to “master” love.

the sexual revolution

As a college student at Berkeley, I was part of the sexual revolution. “Down with the double standard.”  Equality meant that girls could enjoy sex just as much as guys. Sex was recreational and everyone was “doing it”.

Although physically satisfied, in the quiet moments at the end of the day, there was a hole in my heart. “If it feels good, do it”, was just one more way to mask love and bury all of its risks and rewards further into the avoidance abyss. Recreational sex was the path of least resistance for many.

As part of the “me” generation, we were asking the wrong question about love, “What is in it for me?” It would be another decade before I would realize that love is more than a feeling, it is a decision.

In 1985, I entered graduate school to study relationships and become a Marriage and Family therapist. It was not just a profession.  It would be a way of life and a passion.  I found other intuitive feelers and lonely hearts.  I also found missing parts of myself and pieces that needed healing. But most importantly, I discovered theories, learned processes and skills and read information that made my relationship to self and others richer in every way.

20 years later, I am still excited about what I have learned and so grateful that I get to share it with clients and with you. My goal is to provide everyone with accurate relationship information to help them “master” love.

This blog is dedicated to my husband and my parents.  My husband has loved me unconditionally and there is no greater gift.  He unlocked the chains around my heart. It feels like “coming home” when I am in his arms. Both our parents have been married for 54 years. (Yes, to the same person!) They have taught us that love is not a romantic myth, but a commitment. It requires trustrespect and the ability to work through conflict.

Acceptance is also important, because as my dad used to say, “Your mom’s been trying to change me for years and it still hasn’t worked.”

Like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, I needed to journey off to far away places to find what was already in my heart to begin with. I hope you will get as much joy out of the journey as I have…

Your interest is the beginning of your mastery!

Best wishes,

Sheila


 

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